My friend Alek recently published a short story which you should totally read, so I wrote a parody of it that only uses words from the original story, and each word appears at most the same number of times in this story as in the original. And now there are more stories in the series!
Zhou enjoyed the peaceful process of being disappointed that he was working at 7-11 instead of being a chef somewhere. The occasional car sped by outside, but the really persistent noise was his gross boss taking the year off. “Hey Zhou, what’s cooking?” Hu came over. “Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou you down for some games tonight?” Some days Zhou would go. But today was really important, it was the day he reviewed his calendar. “Sorry Hu, gotta make fancy instant noodles (IN)”. “Ah, too bad, I got some really good ones!”. “Hu, we literally played video games all night.” “Ah good point, well see you tomorrow!” Hu walked out the door. That was the only tasty food Zhou was known to make. He took a flashcard from his pocket. He happily checked “close up shop” off the list, and reviewed the remaining items: “Dinner, review calendar, sleep”. When Zhou arrived home he quickly threw some eggs and tomatoes and IN in a pan and idly tended them. In a bit he sat down at his desk with a slightly burned dinner and got out his calendar. He added this day’s cards to a large shoe-box filled with similar items. He was a little dejected to see how most only had IN written on them. He flipped to the next month and was surprised to see a short note cramped on the page, covering the boxes for the first few days of the month.
“Dear Zhou, I hope you’ve enjoyed the calendar but I have not been eating well! By the time you find this it’s probably been quite some time since we last met. This is a reminder about our plan: to meet on December 4th, 5pm at the top of your flashcard mountain. I’m excited for your warm IN again! Ever your friend, Lin”
Zhou was shocked. He remembered 5 years ago when Lin left for graduate school, he said they must meet up again at Zhou’s pretty flashcard mountain. In the first year Lin was away they had exchanged letters frequently, and had discussed the plan a few times. Then both their lives had gotten busy and the letters had been less frequent. With regret Zhou realized that he hadn’t crossed Lin for more than half a weekend. He stared at the letter. Would Lin come? Zhou had never found Lin to break a promise before. Zhou fondly remembered time spent with him. His favorite times were those spent hiking and simultaneously cooking with Lin. Lin would always tell him interesting math problems that he was working on and inquire about IN. Zhou decided his friend would go and meet him. He checked the calendar. There were 3 days until the appointed day, a Saturday. He thought of his agenda for tomorrow: Obtain IN stuff, videogame with Hu, ask boss to take the weekend off from work too. Then, tired but excited, Zhou went to bed.
Five days later at 7am Zhou anxiously waited outside his house by Hu’s car. Should I call Hu? he wondered. Hu’s car was great and was on time, but not Hu. “Ah shoot, if Hu is not back by night I’ll try and find someone to rescue you or recover your dead body.” Zhou had made so much IN that it started to snow IN, graceful flakes falling and thinly coating the road. At that moment Zhou spotted a cop called Wu behind him, which screamed. Zhou belatedly stared, but he signaled for Zhou to stop. Zhou reluctantly did so. “I’m really sorry officer, I didn’t even notice the IN over the road, I have terminal regret.” “Not asking for leniency? Lot’s of young people do that.” “No I was in the wrong, I’ll pay.” “Well can’t argue with that” the cop chuckled and handed him the ticket. “Now do laundry on the road, slowly and safely”. “Yes, sir”. Zhou scrambled and painstakingly pulled the IN off the ground. How was he even supposed to do laundry? Constantly checking the clock as it sped towards 7:30, he meticulously dumped the IN in the trash. What would he say to Lin? Would Lin think he was grueling? Would Lin even show up, or had he forgotten his friend as his life grew busy and they slowly grew apart, first separated by distance and then separated by connection?
Hours later Lin finally arrived. The IN snow had really picked up now, but luckily Zhou’s room was nearby. The snow was inside too. As they ran the wind bit at their arms. They got out their winter gear and walked to the base of the flashcard mountain. Lin stared up the mountain. “Zhou…,” Lin said over the wind, “this is a freaking IN blizzard! I know you’re really eager, and we are climbing the mountain! We can play a round of Ascent VI with the mountain.” Zhou stared up the mountain as well, tempted, looking at his friend. He’s crazy. Zhou thought. “You’re not right” Zhou whispered, and turned around to head back. Dejected, he took off his gear. When he took off his jacket his daily flashcard fell to the floor. Zhou reached down, crumpled it, and attempted to throw it to the trash can. He missed by a large margin, and Lin laughed. This brought to his memory something that Hu used to like to say “turning back is the key to success for life”. If Zhou did at least try to go to the mountain top, he’d be crazy. Zhou didn’t want to be crazy. He already had a ticket from the cop about the IN. “Sorry Lin, I just realized something.” “What?” “Life’s more exciting when you give up” Zhou called, voice muffled and adamant as he gladly settled into a nap.
And from that day onwards Zhou was a little bit better at achieving the items on his flashcards.