ChatGPT… wow. It’s great at spitting out mounds of realistic-sounding sentences even with the most absurd prompts. You know what that means: time to imitate The Onion!
On the other hand, ChatGPT isn’t creative enough to come up with article topics, so I thought of some frivolous ideas and generated the articles with prompts starting with “Write a long, detailed, highly exaggerated and farcical news article about…”.
And to trip you up, one of the ten articles I generated actually begins with a real The Onion article! However, The Onion articles are usually very short, so I used ChatGPT to write some more about the topic. Can you identify which article is the real fake news?
Programmers being trapped inside Vim and unable to exit
In a shocking turn of events, a group of programmers have found themselves trapped inside the popular text editor, Vim.
According to sources, the programmers were working on a project when they suddenly found themselves unable to exit Vim. Despite their efforts to use the usual escape commands, they were unable to leave the editor and were forced to continue working within its confines.
“It was like a nightmare,” said one programmer who wished to remain anonymous. “We were stuck in this never-ending world of text and code, with no way out.”
The situation has sparked concern among the programming community, with many calling for a solution to the issue. Some have suggested that a patch be released to fix the problem, while others have urged users to be more cautious when using Vim.
The developers of Vim have released a statement, saying that they are aware of the situation and are working on a solution. In the meantime, they have urged users to be patient and to avoid using the editor until the issue has been resolved.
The trapped programmers are said to be in good spirits and are continuing to work on their project while they wait for a solution. It remains to be seen how long they will be stuck inside Vim, but many are hopeful that they will be able to escape soon.
Mark Zuckerberg getting banned from Facebook
In a shocking turn of events, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has been banned from the social media platform he created.
According to sources within Facebook, the ban came after Zuckerberg’s constant oversharing and spamming of his friends and followers with pictures of his breakfast, cat memes, and political rants.
“We’ve been trying to get him to stop for years, but he just wouldn’t listen,” said one Facebook employee. “We had no choice but to ban him.”
The move has sent shockwaves throughout the tech world, as Zuckerberg’s personal Facebook page had over 100 million followers.
In an attempt to save face, Zuckerberg has taken to Twitter to share his thoughts and feelings on the matter.
“I can’t believe they did this to me,” he tweeted. “I’m the founder of Facebook, for goodness sake! How could they ban me?!”
However, not everyone is sympathetic towards Zuckerberg. Many users have praised Facebook for finally taking action against his overbearing presence on the platform.
“I’m so glad he’s gone,” said one user. “His constant updates were driving me insane. Good riddance!”
But Zuckerberg isn’t going down without a fight. He has reportedly hired a team of lawyers to appeal the ban and is even threatening to sue Facebook for discrimination.
“This is a clear violation of my rights as a user,” Zuckerberg said in a statement. “I will not be silenced and will do everything in my power to get my account reinstated.”
Despite his efforts, it seems unlikely that Zuckerberg will be able to regain access to his beloved Facebook. The ban has been met with widespread support from users and employees alike, and it looks like the once-powerful CEO will have to find a new outlet for his endless breakfast photos and cat memes.
The future of Facebook remains uncertain, but one thing is for sure: Mark Zuckerberg is no longer a part of it.
Hong Kong protesters getting rickrolled by Chinese police
In a shocking turn of events, Hong Kong protesters found themselves getting rickrolled by Chinese police during a recent demonstration.
The protesters had gathered in the streets to demand greater democracy and autonomy from Beijing, but were met with a surprising response from the police. As they marched and chanted, the police suddenly blasted Rick Astley’s iconic hit “Never Gonna Give You Up” from loudspeakers, causing confusion and disbelief among the protesters.
But the rickrolling didn’t stop there. The police then began to perform synchronized dance moves to the song, with some even donning wigs and sunglasses to mimic Astley’s signature style. The protesters, caught off guard by the bizarre display, could only stand and watch in stunned silence.
Some of the more enterprising protesters attempted to counter the rickrolling by playing other songs through their own loudspeakers, but the police quickly drowned them out with louder renditions of “Never Gonna Give You Up.”
As the situation escalated, the police even deployed pepper spray and tear gas to keep the protesters at bay, all while continuing to dance and sing along to the catchy tune.
The scene quickly descended into chaos, with protesters running for cover and the police continuing to rickroll unabated.
After several hours of this bizarre standoff, the protesters were forced to retreat, defeated by the combined forces of Rick Astley and the Chinese police.
Many are calling this incident a low point in the ongoing conflict between Hong Kong and Beijing, with some even calling for international intervention to prevent further rickrolling.
But as of now, it seems that the Chinese police have successfully rickrolled their way to victory, leaving the protesters in a state of utter disbelief and confusion.
A music video starring Kim Jong-un and Xi Jinping
In a shocking turn of events, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un and Chinese President Xi Jinping have teamed up to create a music video that is taking the internet by storm.
Titled “BFFs: The Song,” the video features the two leaders singing and dancing their way through various locations in North Korea and China, including a missile launch site and the Great Wall of China.
With lyrics like “We’re the best of friends, no one can tear us apart / We’re unstoppable, unstoppable / Kim and Xi, we’re BFFs” and dance moves that can only be described as “awkward,” the video is a humorous take on the often tense relationship between the two countries.
But not everyone is laughing. Critics have slammed the video as a cynical attempt to distract from the ongoing human rights abuses and economic struggles in both countries.
“This is just another example of Kim Jong-un and Xi Jinping trying to divert attention from their oppressive regimes,” said one human rights activist. “They might be able to put on a good show, but the reality is that their people are suffering.”
But the leaders seem unfazed by the criticism, with Kim Jong-un even posting a tweet boasting about the video’s viral success.
“Our music video has over 1 million views! Thanks for all the love, BFFs,” he wrote, adding the hashtags #BFFsForever and #KimAndXi.
Despite the backlash, “BFFs: The Song” has continued to gain popularity, with fans creating their own dance routines and remixes of the hit track.
It remains to be seen whether this is just a one-time collaboration or the start of a blossoming bromance between the two leaders. In the meantime, we’ll just have to sit back and enjoy the bizarre and entertaining world of Kim Jong-un and Xi Jinping’s music video.
Donald Trump being declared the national animal of the US
After months of intense public debate and lobbying by various interest groups, the United States government has finally declared Donald Trump the official national animal of the country.
The decision, which was announced by President Joe Biden in a ceremony at the White House, has sparked both jubilation and outrage across the nation. Supporters of the move have hailed it as a fitting tribute to the former President, while detractors have criticized it as a slap in the face to the country’s rich biodiversity and a clear sign of the government’s poor judgment.
“We are truly honored to have Donald Trump join the ranks of America’s most beloved and respected national animals,” President Biden said in his speech. “As a symbol of strength, resilience, and unbridled ambition, Mr. Trump embodies the very best of what it means to be American.”
The decision to make Trump the national animal was not an easy one, and involved months of fierce lobbying by both supporters and opponents of the move. Animal rights groups, environmental organizations, and even some members of Congress all weighed in on the debate, with many arguing that the country’s national animal should be an actual animal, rather than a human being.
Despite the opposition, however, the supporters of Trump’s candidacy proved to be too powerful to overcome. Led by a coalition of conservative politicians and high-profile businessmen, the pro-Trump camp argued that no other animal could match the former President’s unique combination of strength, cunning, and sheer audacity.
“Donald Trump is the ultimate predator,” said one supporter. “He’s not afraid to take on any challenge, no matter how big or how fierce. He’s a real American hero, and we are proud to call him our national animal.”
The announcement of Trump’s new status has already sparked a flurry of activity across the country. In Washington D.C., a massive bronze statue of the former President has been erected in front of the White House, depicting him in a triumphant pose with his signature red tie flapping in the wind. In New York City, the Empire State Building has been lit up in the colors of the American flag in honor of the occasion. And in Los Angeles, a parade featuring floats, marching bands, and a giant inflatable Trump balloon is being planned for next weekend.
But not everyone is thrilled about the news. Critics of the decision have taken to social media to express their outrage, with many arguing that Trump’s behavior during his time in office was completely at odds with the qualities typically associated with national animals.
“This is an absolute disgrace,” wrote one Twitter user. “National animals are supposed to be noble, dignified, and worthy of respect. Trump is none of those things. He’s a selfish, egotistical, lying buffoon. He doesn’t deserve this honor.”
Others have pointed out that the decision to make Trump the national animal could have serious consequences for the country’s already endangered species. Some have even called for a boycott of national parks and wildlife reserves in protest of the move.
“This is a travesty,” said one environmental activist. “By choosing Trump as our national animal, we are sending a clear message that we don’t care about the well-being of our natural world. We are prioritizing a divisive and hateful human over the countless beautiful and unique animals that call this country home.”
Despite the controversy, however, the Biden administration has made it clear that it has no plans to reverse the decision. In a statement issued by the White House, the President emphasized his commitment to upholding the traditions and values of the United States, and said that he believed Trump was the perfect embodiment of those ideals.
“We may not all agree on this decision,” President Biden said, “But at the end of the day, Donald Trump is the national animal of the United States, and we must respect that. We may not always agree with his tactics or his policies, but we must recognize the important role that he has played in our country’s history.
“As national animal, Trump will have a unique opportunity to continue to serve his country in a new way. He will be a symbol of American strength and ingenuity, and a reminder of the boundless potential that lies within us all.
“So let us embrace this new chapter in our nation’s history, and celebrate the incredible animal that is Donald Trump. Long live the national animal of the United States!”
The ceremony concluded with a traditional Native American dance performed by a group of tribal elders, followed by a 21-gun salute and a flyover by the Blue Angels. Trump himself was not in attendance, but sources close to him say that he is “thrilled and humbled” by the honor, and plans to make the most of his new role as national animal.
Only time will tell what the future holds for Donald Trump and the United States, but one thing is certain: the country will never be the same again.
Netflix obtaining its movies through torrenting
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that Netflix, the world’s largest streaming platform, has been obtaining its movies and television shows through illegal torrenting sites.
According to sources close to the company, Netflix executives have been secretly downloading movies and television shows from popular torrenting sites such as The Pirate Bay and KickassTorrents for years.
This revelation has sent shockwaves throughout the entertainment industry, with many questioning the legality and ethics of Netflix’s actions.
But it seems that the company has no plans to stop its illicit activities anytime soon. In fact, insiders claim that Netflix has even set up a dedicated team of “torrenting experts” to scour the darkest corners of the internet for the latest releases.
But it’s not just the movie and television industry that has been affected by Netflix’s actions. In a bizarre twist, it has also been revealed that the streaming giant has been downloading books, music, and even video games through torrenting sites.
Many are now calling for Netflix to be held accountable for its actions, with some even calling for the company to be shut down entirely.
Despite the backlash, Netflix remains defiant. In a statement to the press, a spokesperson for the company defended their actions, saying: “We are constantly looking for new and innovative ways to bring the best content to our subscribers. If that means using torrenting sites to obtain movies and television shows, then so be it.”
It remains to be seen how this situation will play out, but one thing is for certain: the future of Netflix, and the entertainment industry as a whole, hangs in the balance.
Apple acquiring Apple in a historic $3 trillion deal
Sending shock waves through Wall Street with the once-in-a-generation acquisition, Apple revealed Wednesday that it had purchased tech giant Apple in a historic $3 trillion deal.
“We’ve been fans of what Apple has been doing for quite some time, and we think Apple’s values and mission really align with our own,” Apple CEO Tim Cook said at a press conference concerning the landmark transaction, in which he stressed that despite the large price tag, he had been convinced of the deal’s prudence during several reassuring conversations with Apple CEO Tim Cook. “I’m absolutely sure that Apple’s devotion to smartphones and wearables will really make this a very simpatico relationship. Frankly, we don’t know who’s benefiting more from this deal.” At press time, Tim Cook had thanked investors and briefly left the microphone to allow Apple CEO Tim Cook to say a few words about the sale.
The merger, which is believed to be the largest in corporate history, came as a surprise to many industry insiders, who had long speculated that Apple would eventually acquire rival tech company Samsung. However, Apple executives had apparently been working behind the scenes for months to secure the deal, which will see the iconic Apple logo adorn Apple’s flagship products, from smartphones to laptops to smartwatches.
“We’re thrilled to be joining forces with Apple, and we’re confident that this partnership will unlock a world of new possibilities,” Apple CEO Tim Cook said in a statement. “We’re excited to take Apple’s cutting-edge technology and combine it with our own innovative designs to create even better products for our customers.”
The acquisition also marks a major milestone for Apple, which has been on a mission to become the world’s most valuable company. With the addition of Apple to its portfolio, Apple’s market capitalization is expected to skyrocket to over $3 trillion, making it the first company to ever achieve such a feat.
“We’re honored to be the first company to hit this milestone, and we’re committed to continuing to push the boundaries of what’s possible in the tech industry,” Cook said.
The acquisition has already sparked speculation about what the future holds for the newly-merged company. Some have suggested that the two companies will combine their expertise to create a new generation of Apple products that are even more advanced and feature-packed than before. Others have posited that the deal could pave the way for Apple to enter new markets, such as healthcare or finance, and disrupt those industries with its innovative technology.
“We’re excited to see what the future holds for Apple and Apple,” Cook said. “Together, we’re stronger than ever, and we’re ready to take on whatever challenges the world throws our way.”
MIT researchers discovering that imaginary numbers are actually a hoax
In a shocking turn of events, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) have discovered that imaginary numbers are nothing more than a hoax. For centuries, mathematicians have believed in the existence of these strange numbers, which are said to be the square root of negative numbers. But according to the team at MIT, it seems that imaginary numbers were nothing more than a cruel joke played on us all.
The discovery was made by a team of researchers led by Dr. Robert Smith, a renowned mathematician and the head of the Mathematics Department at MIT. According to Dr. Smith, the team had been working on a complex mathematical problem involving imaginary numbers when they suddenly realized that something was amiss.
“At first, we thought it was just a mistake,” said Dr. Smith. “But as we continued to work on the problem, it became clear that there was something very wrong with these so-called ‘imaginary’ numbers. They simply didn’t make any sense.”
After conducting a series of rigorous tests and experiments, the team at MIT was able to prove conclusively that imaginary numbers were, in fact, a complete and utter hoax. “We were absolutely stunned by the results,” said Dr. Smith. “It turns out that these numbers, which have been a cornerstone of mathematics for centuries, are nothing more than a figment of our collective imagination.”
The news of the discovery has sent shockwaves through the mathematical community, with many experts expressing disbelief and skepticism. “This is simply outrageous,” said Dr. Emily Thompson, a mathematician at the University of California, Berkeley. “Imaginary numbers are a fundamental concept in mathematics, and to suggest that they don’t exist is nothing short of heresy.”
Despite the controversy, the team at MIT stands by its findings and is urging the mathematical community to accept the truth. “We understand that this is a difficult pill to swallow,” said Dr. Smith. “But the truth is the truth, and we can no longer ignore the fact that imaginary numbers are a hoax.”
The implications of this discovery are far-reaching, and many experts are predicting that it will have a profound impact on the world of mathematics. “This is a game-changer,” said Dr. Thompson. “If imaginary numbers don’t exist, then what does that mean for all of the theories and equations that are built on their foundation? It’s going to take years, if not decades, to unravel the full implications of this discovery.”
In the meantime, the team at MIT is urging the mathematical community to come together and work towards a new understanding of the fundamental principles of mathematics. “This is a challenging time for all of us,” said Dr. Smith. “But together, we can overcome this setback and continue to push the boundaries of human knowledge.”
Donald Knuth proving P equals NP by executing all computer scientists who disagree
In a stunning turn of events, renowned computer scientist Donald Knuth has proved that P equals NP by executing all who disagree with him.
The world of computer science was in shock as Knuth, known for his work on algorithms and complexity theory, took to the stage at a recent conference and announced that he had finally proved the longstanding P vs NP problem.
But the real shock came when Knuth revealed his method for proving the problem - executing all computer scientists who dared to disagree with him.
“I have long been frustrated with the lack of progress on the P vs NP problem,” Knuth explained in his keynote speech. “And after years of contemplation, I realized that the only way to truly prove it was to eliminate all opposition.”
With that, Knuth pulled out a large, shiny machine gun and began firing at the stunned audience. Chaos ensued as conference attendees scrambled for cover, but it was too late for many as Knuth ruthlessly mowed them down.
As the dust settled, it was clear that Knuth had achieved his goal - there was no one left to dispute his proof.
“I have proved that P equals NP once and for all,” Knuth declared, holding up a blood-stained whiteboard with his proof written on it. “And now, the world of computer science will never be the same.”
But not everyone was convinced by Knuth’s proof. “I think it’s highly exaggerated and farcical,” said one computer scientist who managed to escape the conference unscathed. “And I’m pretty sure it’s not even mathematically rigorous.”
Despite the criticism, Knuth remains unrepentant. “I will continue to execute anyone who dares to challenge my proof,” he warned. “For the good of computer science, of course.”
The world watches in fear as Knuth continues his reign of terror, proving once and for all that P equals NP.